Monday, December 31, 2007

"I hope you're happy in the end"

I've been home for the holidays- it's so nice to be out of Utah for just a moment. I really can't stand living in Mormon central sometimes, but I suppose my attitude is partly to blame. Life's what you make it, after all (oh no- I think I just quoted a Hannah Montana song!). And to be honest, I actually am looking forward to returning to Provo; I've been a little lonely and feeling less than whole.

So, just like I promised myself, I talked to my dad this week about being gay. It went so much better than I had anticipated! First off, I came into the room and he was watching The Sound of Music- I couldn't have asked for a better backdrop for our conversation! I told him how I've been feeling and we talked a little about what may happen in the future. We actually did a lot of laughing and joking- it was just a normal conversation! My favorite part was when he smiled at me and told me that the 3 things that he hoped his children would never turn out to be was gay, Mormon, or drug addicts. 2 out of 3 for me- not bad :) I laughed and told him that's probably why he had me. He said that it's not what he would choose for me, but that I will always have his love and support and that he wants to see me settled and happy with whatever I choose to do. Today we went skiing with my brothers and everything was normal- I'm not acting like anything but myself and he's not treating me any differently. I feel so blessed!

The last three months have changed my life completely- "Who can say if I've been changed for the better? I do believe I have been changed for the better... and because I knew you, I have been changed for good..."

I feel so much more authentic than I used to! "I- I feel so alive- for the very first time, and I think I could fly!"
Sorry- sometimes I can't stop the lyrics.

I'm so excited for this year! I feel like God is guiding me into the beginning of a life full of wonderment and happiness.

"I hope you're happy,
now that you're choosing this...
I hope it brings you bliss,

I really hope you get it
and you don't live to regret it-

I hope you're happy in the end-
I hope you're happy my friend...

"So if you care to find me
look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately,
everyone deserves a chance to fly!

"And if I'm flying solo,

at least I'm flying free!
To those who'd ground me,
take a message back from me-
Tell them how I am defying gravity!

I'm flying high defying gravity,

and soon I'll match them in renown!

And nobody in all of Oz,

no wizard that there is or was,
is ever gonna bring me down!"


playasinmar said...

I guess I should finally try to get the Wicked soundtrack.

[əɪ̯ wʌndɹ̟] said...'s so nice to be out of Utah for just a moment. I really can't stand living in Mormon central sometimes...

That's funny, because I am really glad to be back in Utah. Being home for a week was really almost too much for me. I am glad to be back in Utah, which is weird, because like you it really does drive me crazy a lot. Perhaps I feel differently because I am moving to SLC at the end of the week. YAY! No more Provo!

J G-W said...

Life is what you make it. Glad to hear of a peaceful, happy time with family.

One of So Many said...

All you need to do now is pick up a drug habit and you'd be all set. ;)

l'écureuil said...

I used to have a blog, and I always wanted to write about how Wicked is personally significant for me. I came out to myself 2 Christmases ago and I got the Wicked soundtrack that Christmas too. "Defying Gravity", among other songs, really resonated with me as I dealt with all the feelings surrounding coming out. It sounds like you are in a wonderful place now and I encourage you to keep on it and live as you personally believe. That is the best way to live, as I am discovering. Best of luck to you, man!

Gabriel said...

I know that this entry is pretty old but I'm so happy for you. This entry was fantastic! I'm happy your dad was fine with your choice! So good!